“The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.” (Psalm 18:2)
Every born-again believer goes through seasons in their life when they are just as sure that they are not saved as those times when that assurance of salvation is sure. Those times as you well know are not pleasurable, we feel as if we have sinned too much, even when we search our recent past and can find no such sin, even when our thoughts have been kept captive for Christ, we lose something within us, that is how we feel.
These my friends are the times that we must run to that High Tower, when we must cling to the Rock of our salvation, but beyond that we must recall, “And the LORD, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.” (Deut. 31:8)
But there are other paths just as well known to us, paths all of us who have been saved by grace know full well, and not to be crude here, but we say, “Screw it, forget it, I’m tired of serving and I am getting nothing out of this deal.” Phrase it however you want to, but what it is, is a tiredness of obeying, of being willfully obedient, we just want to quit. If we are not careful, we will end up being church goers, following the prescribed mandates on Sunday morning with a smile on our face, and then living a life during the week that may not openly be disrespectful to the Father, but most certainly will not be pleasing in His eyes, nor profitable for the Kingdom or His glory.
Others will simply quit, stop praying, stop reading and contemplating the Word, waiting as it were for God to make the first move to call us back unto Himself, not running to but from that High Tower. Like the prodigal son at the trough of the pigs, they may come to themselves, but they will continue to feast on the food of the swine’s, attempting to prove the Lord and that my friends would be a big mistake. “When your fathers tempted me, proved me, and saw my works forty years.” (Heb. 3:9)
Feeling like you are not saved for a season has no more merit than those who believe they are saved because they feel saved. There is a season for all of us that grieves us, we feel left out, unnoticed, unwanted, and all the Scripture reading, prayer, giving and being kind will not change it within us.
Welcome to the valley of the shadow of death, welcome to the dry and thirsty land.
“Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.” (Job 13:15)
Sometimes the worst suffering is when we feel that we are no longer part of the family of God, when we cannot “feel” His presence, but He is there. Many have stopped on this part of the path, waiting for what is already present within them, waiting to hear when the words have already been spoken. For almost 900 years Adam lived, how often do you suppose the Lord came to speak with him?
It is called loneliness, and it is the epitome of it. How long the Lord leaves you there is up to Him, how much further you move along the path is up to you. Sometimes that High Tower is nowhere to be seen, so in faith you keep moving, remember that “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jer. 17:9)
His is not, keep moving forward.