“For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.” (Heb. 4:15)
You may not be able to understand this, but it means very little to me at times to know that the Lord Jesus Christ is touched by my infirmities, that He fully understands and is compassionate towards them. I equate, and probably falsely, with the one who puts his hand on my shoulder when I am in great physical pain and says to me, “It will be alright.” I want to look at them and reply, “Really? You know that for a fact?”
I am the one in pain, I am the one in grief and sorrow, and although I know the Lord understands all that and more, He is not the one that is experiencing it. I am.
And I will add this to that, He has either brought it upon me or allowed it, they are the same thing, and I am expected to say. “Thy will be done.”
Is it chastisement or so that we will grow in our trust of Him, is it so we will learn to hate our lives even more as we are commanded to, so that we will appreciate the eternal rest that awaits us even more?
Perhaps I once again am bordering too closely towards that which will bring that same whirlwind that Job saw approaching when he started to voice things that should not be said. When he said, “I loathe it; I would not live alway: let me alone; for my days are vanity.” (Job 7:16)
Who was he talking to, those present with him, or the Almighty?
I know the Lord understands, I know He loves me, has set me upon this path for His glory, I realize fully the truth, the compassion of the opening verse in this letter to you today, but in all truthfulness, it is my pain in these moments, not His.
I would ask those of you who are still on the fence about devoting the entirety of your life to your Savior, who still hold back accepting the fulness of the calling that He is offering to you, and you must consider the commandment placed upon Jonah to do so, for there is a great truth in it.
God did not care if Jonah wanted to obey or not. When that big fish spat him out on the beach, if Jonah would have attempted to walk down the beach instead of towards Ninevah, the Almighty would have found another way to make him do what He had commanded him to do.
I stood out on that gravel road years ago, frustrations boiling over, feelings of complete inadequacies in my service to the Almighty, looked up at the sky, seeing Him on His throne in my mind, and yelled, “Use me, or leave me alone!”
I did not know what the word frustration meant, I did not understand what emotional turmoil and true internal suffering meant on that day. I do today.
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4)
More than once since that day my friends I have been in that valley.
Before you begin to build this tower, you had best count the cost. There is not one moment in my life that could rightly be called suffering compared to some of those who have come before me, of those who live today, of my Savior on the cross. But it is my suffering, and at times I do not like it, I do not appreciate it, and it does little good to know that He understands it.
To those of you who would say, “It could be worse!” I offer this. “It could be better.”
I am not at times doing everything without complaining, and I do not always possess my soul as I should. I do not always understand. But if you think that I am going to step off the path that He has set before me, you are sorely mistaken.
