I do not presume upon the Holy Spirit, I do as all who are born-again, I ask for guidance, for strength to perform the tasks that He sets before me, for the Spiritual discernment to be able to understand Him clearly when He speaks to me, but I do not presume upon Him.
I am not a writer, I studied no text to teach me what I do nearly a dozen times a week, I have taken no courses on the subject, nor do I own any books on composition, I have a thesaurus, but I could not tell you at this moment where it is. I have been saved by the grace of God for over thirty years now, having heeded the call in my middle age, as it is called, but up until just two or three years ago I would have considered myself unprofitable, for I did not even continue in those things that Luke 17:10 speaks of. “So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do.”
The Holy Spirit though started to prompt me, as I will put it, quite viciously about three or four years ago, until I could no longer avoid His calling. These letters are not pre-planned, I spend no time whatsoever thinking or doing any type of research on them before I sit down with my pen and paper, in fact, I am barely awake when I start writing in the morning, which I have done every morning to the best of my recollection for the last two and a half years. Yet I will not presume on the Lord.
I fear the day when the words may not appear from my pen, when I may sit here and stare at a blank piece of paper with nothing whatsoever to place upon it for the glory of God. I fear it in a sense that He may say “I am finished with you,” but not in the sense that it is time for me to go home, for Philippians 1:21 stands as a firm truth in my heart, “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” but in a type of fear that could be described by the Psalmist, “How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?” (Psalm 13:1)
In the area of the letters that He has me writing and in the videos that are made to glorify Him, I fear that dry and thirsty land, for without Him I can do nothing. (John 15:5)
This is not just a memory verse to me, I know who I am without Christ, and I have absolutely nothing of value to offer Him. I know my works are all as filthy rags, that I am no more than dust, that my best efforts would seem worthless in His eyes. I fear that what I ask of Him as I pick up this pen every single time will become nothing more than a mantra, a tradition with no heartfelt desire behind it, just something I say each time in my mind before I begin to write, that He would be glorified.
I fear my lovely wife will tire of typing up these letters, sometimes twice a day, that the thousands that have accumulated will never be read, the words of wisdom that He has blessed me with will never be applied, that not one soul will come to repentance because of these words. But I will not presume upon the Lord, when I am told to write, I write, and I am amazed every time at the words that flow from my pen.
Many will say I am simply seeking to be seen as humble, that I have no true humility in this area, that I write to be noticed. The superstitious will call it automatic writing, but those of you who have been crucified with Christ will understand, for on one thing I will presume, about three or four years ago the Spirit of the Lord began to be poured out upon some of His children, those whose only desire is to see the Most High glorified. If you understand this letter, then you are one of those, and you are not just following Jesus Christ, you are consumed with Him.
