“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.” (Psalm 51:17)
There are things I have done both before the Lord called me to Himself for His glory and after that I can never undo, no amount of apologies, no depth of asking for forgiveness from those I harmed can repair the damage or alter those actions of the past. The damage is done and cannot be undone.
Those deeds haunt my memories, they disgust me, and while I understand that I have been forgiven of them by the Living God because of the Lord Jesus Christ, and have, at least in some form, forgiven myself of them as well, when the memories arrive I understand full well John 12:25.
“He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.”
I have shared small parts of my testimony with few in this life, for I have found that those who hear it are disgusted by who I was, they questioned when they hear what sinful acts I have performed even after I was born-again how they could have been done by one who serves the Living God. Their level of sins against the Almighty, at least in their eyes, are not as atrocious as mine were, and so not only is the truth of my salvation questioned in their minds, but when they have heard me speak of those sins with little remorse, they find it impossible to believe that a man of God is standing before them.
“But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the LORD: and be sure your sin will find you out.” (Numb. 32:23)
Many who profess Christ will try to bury those sins, both from the public eye and from their own minds, they fear expulsion from the congregation if they are revealed, that their faith, the truth of their salvation will be questioned as well, and so not only is their conscience not cleared, but they do not fulfill the law of Christ.
“Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” (Gal. 6:2)
They believe, and possibly correctly, that they have been forgiven those sins, they may at times when those memories arrive find them despicable and pray for those memories to fade away, but they will not share that burden with those they say they trust and love, those who they call their brothers and sisters in Christ.
“It’s the past, so what does it matter?” are the words they choose to say to themselves, but when that past reappears in their minds and vexes them, hours, days and weeks on end, they will not share that burden with their eternal family. And perhaps sometimes rightly so, for they know the truth of what was just written here, they will not be comforted and encouraged, but frowned upon, ostracized from those who say they love them without question.
The law of Christ says, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.” (John 13:34) But in the church today, even among those who have been born-again, love only is to be expressed, sins, past and present, temptations at the doorstep are to be hidden, confined at best with only the pastor and then only after he has been sworn to secrecy.
It has been many years since the occasional meeting on Wednesday night has been called for those to give their testimonies, for those whose burdens are so heavy that the entire assembly needs to be called together to help each other bear them, to love one another without fear of sideways glances and whispered discouraging words.
No, it does not bother some if the Lord knows those sins, but if their brothers and sisters in Christ found out about them, then sharing the burden would be denied, and love lost.
Oh my friends, how far we have strayed from what we are called to be.
