I am speaking only personally here, although there may be some of you that are finding yourself in the same position as of late, but the lust of the flesh, the eyes, the pride of life and the pull of the world seems to be waning in my life. They seem to be being replaced with two things that are almost symbiotic, a longing to go home to be with Christ, and a hatred of this world and all it stands for.
The ambitious projects of my past, the desire to always be learning something new just for the sake of knowing it is fading away, the pursuit of the items of the world that cannot in someway be used to glorify God is not as appealing anymore.
Perhaps it is in part encroaching old age speaking, but I do not think so, at least not in the majority, so to speak, instead it is more of a pull, if that makes sense. There is a hint of urgency in what I do these days, as if the words I am to speak, whether it be in these short letters or in the videos that He has me making needs to “get out there,” because time is short. There is little desire to go, see and do those things that the world offers, it has been replaced with a need to know Christ, to prepare myself, as it were, to meet Him, to get the Word out to all who will listen.
Here is where Spiritual discernment must be applied, and an ear intent on listening to what the Holy Spirit has to say, for this path, these thoughts can easily be misinterpreted, and lead to what could best be called a “false prophet” syndrome. I have seen photographs from World War one and two, from the days of the great depression of the 1930’s of men in sandwich boards that read “The End is Near,” and although God’s timetable is not our timetable, it is a well-known fact that when turmoil approaches many false prophets come out of the woodwork, so to speak, and offer portents of doom. It is why I have tried to explain that this is not a new feeling or an emotional state that has haphazardly just appeared, but more of a personal acknowledgement of a lack of desire for the things the world has to offer.
We may indeed be in the beginnings of sorrows, (Matt. 24:8) the age of the gentiles may indeed be coming to a close, (Luke 21:24) but that is of little consequence to those who seek after Jesus Christ, circumstances do not alter that desire. “For when they shall say, Peace and safety; then sudden destruction cometh upon them, as travail upon a woman with child; and they shall not escape,” (1 Thess. 5:3) will come one day, but that is not a mitigating factor, at least not a major one, it is the recognition of these evil days, unrighteousness is flourishing, of that there is no doubt, but if the storm clouds were not brewing, I believe I would still be moving forward on this path I have described.
There are two verses that come to mind here, “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” (Phil. 4:11) And “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” (Phil. 1:21) And both of them I cannot live up to, but they describe the feelings, if you will that surround my life these days. The known and expected world structure is about to collapse, everything that has been foretold in the Scriptures about these days is about to unfold, and I do not write these words lightly, I have been given no special revelation, and the fear of these approaching days have little to do with what I have attempted poorly to write here.
It is a desire to live in a land of righteousness, to hold the hand of my beautiful wife as we walk through the kingdom of God in the full peace, love and continuing assurance of the presence of the Lord. Perhaps I am just becoming homesick, perhaps He is preparing me to come home, perhaps He is preparing all of His children to come home.