How many friends do you have, does it take both hands to count them on, or perhaps you have more than that, maybe even dozens. Have you fallen into the trap of some social media outlets and can say that you have hundreds of friends because someone tapped the proper button on the screen? Let’s take some of these “friends” apart, as it were, and see just how many we end up with.
We will begin with your full name, how many know your complete name and how to spell it properly, that should be fairly easy for a friend, your age and while we’re at it your birth date, in fact, we could go as far as the time of your birth, not to mention the place. Let’s stay on this course just a little longer, does this friend know your mother’s maiden name, parents and even grandparents place of birth, are they familiar with your siblings, aunts, uncles, do they know all the places you have ever lived, the job titles you have held, how about the make and model of the vehicle you drive. Have we siphoned a few out yet?
Let’s go a little deeper, how much of your past do they know about, the grade school you attended, the first person you ever had a crush on, what your Christmas’ were like, or birthdays, the sports you played in high school, the grades you received in college. Are a few more gone there? Let’s try this, do they know about the first person you ever kissed, and the first one you were even more intimate with, how about your first heartache, do they know about the encounters with the law, or that thing you never got caught for. I could delve much deeper, but I believe you are getting the point, so now then, how many friends do you have, and where is that level of friendship at.
All of you who know Christ as Savior know Him as your truest friend, He knows every detail about you, even the things you cannot remember yourself, in fact, He knows you better than you know yourself, it is one of the reasons that we love Him deeply and trust Him completely, He is always there, He has promised to never leave us or forsake us. (Duet. 31:8) Here then is the point that I would like to address in this letter to you, “confess your faults to one another.’ (James 5:16) Now how many friends do you have? We are to confess our sins only to the Lord, although many religious organizations will try to tell you differently, for He alone is our mediator (1 Tim. 2:5) and the only one who can forgive you for them, but to whom are the Scriptures referring to with the words “to another.”
Faults are not sins, they are mistakes, unintended actions, words spoken wrongly, and it is to another that we are to confess these faults to, no matter what category you deem necessary to put them in. Now, in the terminology of this verse, how many friends do you have, and is that friend a brother or sister in Christ. We have now come apparently to two different categories of the word friend, ones whom you will spend eternity with, and ones that you will not, which “to another” in this verse do you suppose the Word of God is speaking of. I would hope that while we are deconstructing this word “friend” here, that the ones left on your list are your brothers and sisters in Christ, if not, why not? Out of that long list we started with, I would presume that many of you had a person in mind that you would consider your very best friend, most trusted friend, it is why I did not start this letter with “Who is your best friend,” for most of you more than likely would have automatically said “Jesus,” without truly thinking thru what the word “friend” really means.
A friend must be trustworthy at all times, never wavering, circumstances mean nothing to them, if your actions or words, are harmful or derogatory, they forgive, when they are rude to you, you forgive.” And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24) That is what a friend is, it is not an acquaintance, an associate, it is the one person you can tell anything to, no matter what, and they will remain your friend. Have you ever wondered why I say “my friends” so often in these letters to you? It is because if you are truly a born-again believer, then you are my friend, the only people I trust implicitly are my friends in Christ, but not in total and complete trust, that position is held by my lovely wife, she has earned the right to ask any question of me, and I honor her by always being honest, to honest sometimes she would say.
Your best human friend can be trusted, but never perfectly, not as we trust in our Savior, those emotions tend to get in the way sometimes, our sinful nature pops up when we least expect it, and doubt is always lurking around the corner. Someday we will all trust each other beyond anything we can even begin to imagine today, but until then if we desire this type of friend in the world, one we can trust, we must attain to a few things.
First, you must always be honest, no exceptions can be applied here, words like “Forgive me for saying so” or “Because you are my friend” can and many times should be spoken, but where there is not honesty, there is not friendship. You must be open and willing to share not only your faults, but willing to hear the response from your friend about what you should do about them. Every word that a true friend says to you is meant to build you up, not tear you down, they are always looking out for your best welfare and interest, never to intentionally hurt you for their own pleasure, pride, or envy. You matter as much to them as they do to themselves, and I am sorry to tell you this, but that person must be a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, for if you are going to love this person deeply, and if they are not saved, that love will end. For a Christian to attempt to have a trusted, best friend who is not saved is like trying to explain Spiritual Truths to one who does not know Christ as Savior, it is not hard or difficult for them, it is impossible. (1 Cor. 2:14) “What communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Cor. 6:14)
This person must be a believer, or you will never be able to trust them completely, no matter how good a person you think they are. And my friends, I will inform you of this truth, if you are married and both of you are saved, you have just found the one whom you should call best friend, for “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Gen. 2:24) I will not become a marriage counselor here, but if your saved spouse is not your best friend, then you need to get to work on that and you need to start right now. I wrote the marriage vows for my wonderful wife and I, and there is no “till death do us part” in them, though all things are in the hands of the Lord.
If you do not have this type of person in your life, this friend that is closer than a brother, a true and trusted person, start praying today for one. Far too many Christians believe that the only way that our Lord speaks to us is in His Holy Word, but if that were true, what purpose beyond self-guidance, as it were, is the Holy Spirit in each of His children. “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:19) This is a need, we need that one person in our lives, all the others are just friends.
