“You were such a disappointment to me, I had hoped that with all I had offered you, with all the opportunities that I had afforded you, that you would move boldly through your life, working diligently for my glory. Yet you did so little, performed so few deeds, spoke to so few. Nevertheless, I have saved you by my grace, and you are mine eternally. Enter into your rest.”
Disappointed in yourself, the Lord Jesus Christ disappointed in you, is that how you see yourself today.
“And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear?” (1st Peter 4:18)
The other side of that coin would be pride in your accomplishments for the Almighty, your spirit within you lifted up because of the misconception that are needed by the Almighty. The person that thinks thusly will not enter into His rest but will instead stand before Him at the Great White Throne of Judgment.
If there is one thing that I have learned over the decades of my walk with the Lord it is that even when I have fulfilled what He has set before me to accomplish, I feel a disappointment in myself. There was always something more I could have done, something more I should have said, I feel as if something more could have been offered than what I performed. And throughout my day, it seems as if I could have given more of myself to Him.
“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” (Prov. 3:5)
Perhaps I lean on my own understanding too much.
God expects obedience in the fulness of our hearts continually for His glory every moment of every day, and we do not do that, do we? And so, if your heart is set towards Him, you will see yourself as disappointing towards Him many times in this life, it cannot be escaped.
But if you live in that emotional state, if you perpetually demean yourself in this area, each task that He sets before you will not be seen with excitement and anticipation, but in a form of despondency, as one useless to His glory.
The other end of the spectrum is beyond foolish, seeing ourselves as not only useful for the Lord, but needed by Him to accomplish His will.
The humble soul my friends remembers this truth, that we are nothing more than dust.
“For he saith to Moses, I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.” (Romans 9:15)
You can harden yourself; did you know that? Whether it be that you see yourself as a continual disappointment to Him or one that believes themselves to be necessary to His cause, you can deceive yourself into believing to be what you are not.
I believe that for us who truly are born again, pride is not the default emotion that assails us, disappointment in ourselves is. Even when the task set before us is accomplished as He desired, even when our heart is set for His glory, there always seems to be more than what we have done.
We want to be profitable.
And so, we set our face like a flint, we determine within ourselves to do better, to serve with a greater fervency next time, to die more each day to self and live for His glory. And in our minds each day we see failure.
That is love my friends, that is realizing the price that was paid for us, the promises given that one day will be received. That is the recognition by the humble soul of His infinite mercy and grace towards us.
Serve Him in love and leave it at that.
