“Then I said, I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name. But his word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay.” (Jer. 20:9)
What if I said I no longer wanted to do this anymore, if I said to the Lord there isn’t enough people reading these letters, it’s adding frustrations upon frustrations, it seems like a waste of time, and I see no further need to continue pursuing something that has so little fruit.
Personally, my friends, I do not believe I have a choice, when the Almighty sets a purpose before us, He does not give us an option if it does not go as we hoped it would to say, “I want to do something else.” But I know exactly what Jeremiah was saying when he said that, no one is listening, no one is paying attention, this is a waste of my time, and I am not going to do this for you anymore.
“Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” (Psalm 119:11)
And I do not plan on leaving those words there.
Two men stood with Jeremiah, another prophet who lost his life because of his stand, and Ebed-melech who was granted freedom to do with his life as he pleased. But I must admit some of these letters that the Holy Spirit is leading me to write seriously touch my soul, I am being taught with each word that appears on my notebook, but when I see those letters receiving only two or three views, sometimes only one, I start to wonder, is this what I am supposed to be doing.
“Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.” (Matt. 7:20)
What good is a tree that produces only two or three pieces of fruit, what good is there in spending countless hours writing, proofreading, praying and placing them on this social media site if they are not spread far and wide?
Could I put my pen and notebook back in the drawer and leave them there, never to return to them? Is a small purpose better than no purpose at all? Would His Words begin to grow within me with even greater fervency until I could no longer stay away. Can I choose not to do this, or am I going to be compelled until He either takes me home or the internet is turned off forever? And to put it bluntly my friends, does it really matter if only a few or thousands read these letters?
If you are compelled by Christ, if you are being driven by Him for the glory of the Living God, you understand this letter perfectly, you know full well what I mean. No consultation from anyone is going to ease your burden, no words of comfort or encouragement will remove the continual frustrations from you. You will do what you have been commanded to do, and you will do it until your Master tells you to stop.
“My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation.” (James 3:1)
I count myself on the lowest rung of the ladder when I say this, wisdom has brought me much grief, and knowledge has brought much sorrow, Spiritual discernment has brought revelations into my life I did not want to see, and the truth that has set me free has brought with it a form of bondage I did not know existed.
I am not who I once was, and I am not yet who I will be, and in this middle ground I find more frustrations than I ever thought possible. I have learned to hate this world, to hate myself, and I know the truth of Romans 7:18 full well.
“For I know that in me, that is, in my flesh, dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.”
Perhaps I am just venting, perhaps at times you need to also. Do not hide this truth from yourself, from others, from the Lord.
“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:” (Eph. 4:26)
All bets say tomorrow morning I will be sitting here again, saying, before I pick up my pen, “Be thou glorified in this Lord.”
